“Without change something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken.”
Frank Herbert, Dune (Dune #1)
Change is something inevitable in life. Change is something I crave and at the same exact time run far away from. I wouldn’t like a life without some spice added to it, (no Dune pun intended there). My daycare is changing, my writing is moving forward, my passions are progressing. I am growing. I am becoming the woman I am meant to be. That is exciting. This blog is meant to catalog all those adventures. Dating, my writing, my career and school paths, the road blocks I may encounter and how I’ll overcome them. I may share past stories with you and things I’ve learned from my mistakes. Here is a short but sweet introduction to the start of a new life for me in just two weeks, then two months, then who knows from there. Life is an adventure. Let the sleeper in you awaken. Stay tuned as I work on “Escape from Palofax”, “Career Goals”, and just in general work on getting used to the lay out of WordPress itself lol so please excuse the messiness of it while I do so. I do think however it will benefit me in the long run both career and growth wise.
(Yes I just quoted Shakespeare and lead right into Emily Dickinson, get over it lol I love my quotes and poems) Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to grow up to be a writer, and a lover; by way of helping people and loving all those around me with as much of me as I could. So far I’ve managed to do just that but, BUT even though I do tend to press limits and push boundaries I’ve never veered so far out of my comfort zone as to do a blog AND public media sales. I’m not going to lie I’m a little scared. I know I can do it and I’ll be good at it and it’s a way to help lots of people and make lots of connections and learn lots of things. And an extremely creative outlet which I crave and NEED. The question lies with why am I waiting until now to start doing the BIG stuff, taking the big risk. I thought loving someone and giving my heart away was a risk, no. I knew before I even did that it was a bad idea. I KNOW this is what I’m supposed to be doing. The thing is loving and losing someone is a terrible thing but not having lived life is worse and yes I was loving with my whole heart the whole time but was I living? Clearly not. I wasn’t getting married or having kids. I was waiting. Waiting for something that never happened. Waiting, just like Dr. Suess talks about in “Oh! The places You’ll Go!”. I was in the waiting place, where people go to wait. I was waiting to get married and be a house wife and have a baby and raise a family and lalala, clearly that’s not what I’m supposed to do now. I have places to go. Or maybe it is for me just not then and not now. Nothing went how it was supposed to go but when does life? You can’t take money with you when you go, you can’t take clothes or material items, what you can leave behind is your legacy. What will your legacy be? A child? A mindset? A path for others to follow? Whether you’re a Dory of the world or a Bruce, BE YOU!, and, “just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming”.
You are forever gone to a slumber so deep, for you there are dreams no more.
A life taken too soon, something I still have questions for.
My dreams live on without you, but in my heart forever you’ll be.
The things I’m doing, the woman I’m becoming, you’d be proud if you could see.
Dream no more, your pain is gone my love.
I can feel you all around me looking down from up above.
With the recent events of Chris Cornell and of course we all remember Robin Williams I wanna share some things that are near and dear to my heart and something that happened to me on Thursday. Tragedy has struck America recently with online bullying which I guess is “trolling” or could be turned into a form of online hazing. Depeding on the motives behind the person doing the “trolling” I suppose. I’m not real sure. I was apparently “trolled” on Thursday night for the first time 😕. People are cruel. Some people just want a fight and want to stir the pot and little do they know what they could be stirring. I have decided to do what I can by writing this and by having one of my first Lu La Roe sales to benefit To Write Love On Her Arms. I have lost so many people near and dear to me to suicide and not just to suicide either. Far to many to count. And in the past 3 years have lost 2 of my very best friends and I’ve dealt with moving all over the country, being kicked out of a click, a five year relationship break up, cutting down a business I really didn’t want to and I had someone who knows nothing about me and my plans try and judge a situation they know knew nothing of. You never know what someone is going through. We all know what assuming does. I myself deal with depression and have dealt with suicide and fortunately was able to receive the help I needed but not everyone does. I want to CHANGE that. Some how. Some way. Even if it’s a small way. 1800suicide saved my life over a decade ago. Nothing is ever worth your life. No matter how much you think is. Everyday I wish I could have saved my friends. I want to change online bullying. I want to change the world. I wish people would treat others how they want to be treated. I personally don’t think sometimes. I just think everyone is nice and well, they aren’t. And that’s life. The key is to not let it bother you. I let this person ruin my Friday and it was completely unnecessary. It’s what they wanted. And than I remember what is on my toothbrush cover that I see twice a day “never let anyone dull your sparkle”. I perked right up. Who cares what some person I’m never going to see again thinks of me. So what if they want to think negatively of me. They don’t know me. They don’t live in my heart or my brain. Nor do I live in theirs and its unfair either way for either of us to judge. I know that “those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind”. I want to make a difference not for myself but for the world. So it can be a better place for the kids I take care of and hopefully my future kids. Hannah this is for us. This is for Mariah. This is for Will. This is for Dereck. This is for all those we have known and lost. I will be successful and I will reach my goals because I have to.
Where does my future stand? Where will I be in the next few months career wise? Well I am not completely certain yet as things CAN change but I am queued to be a Lu La Roe consultant in the coming weeks. I am beyond thrilled. I will be able to nanny the wonderful kids that are staying with me while working on my blog and writing and afterwards focusing on bulding the brand and fashion of Lu La Roe. I am more than thrilled. I am blessed beyond belief. If you had asked me three months ago if I would be telling you I considered myself blessed you would be crazy but here I am. I am determined to make a career goal and path for myself that I can live up to. All my life I’ve been trying to live up to what I thought other people wanted of me and now I’m doing what I think is wise for me and what I know I’m capable of. Nothing more nothing less. No one lives your life but you so you have to take it into your hands and make it your own. If you want to be a soccer player. Go do it. Nothing will stand in your way if you dedicate yourself to your craft. I already love that I was “blessed” with the opportunity to work for Lu La Roe and their business practice is blessing others. If you’re a consultant you get the bless reference. I hope to bless a lot of lives in my career and have tried to lead a very pay it forward kind of mentality my whole life. Being from the south you kind of can’t help not to be! Things are happening for me. Today is exciting. I get all my racks and start to decorate my clothing room, I get a charger for my computer so I can work more on editing this and work on women’s gathering stuff at the yoga studio, I get notebooks for our thing on Friday, at the studio, I’m thrilled about my swingline stapler and planner coming. I am starting to happen. This is the first day of my life
What would you do if you were going to meet a guy that you sort of thought was cute and funny and he was bringing his friends and you were supposed to bring your friend too but life happened? Would you back out? Would you just not go? That probably would have been what most women would have done. But not me. Nope. And of course the universe laughed at that one. Or at least it felt like it in my mind. I was nervous admidittdly because I had no back up and was going in alone but this was my first weekend to do something fun in a while so I was pretty stoked about this escape room. It was my idea after all. The first major hiccup was my friend bailing on me, not her fault but that was a bummer. For both of us. Then my gps can’t find this guys house and so I’m thinking he’s given me a fake address the whole time and I’m thinking “well I guess I’ll go have a few beers downtown” when he finally offers to meet me somewhere on foot by his house. I was mortified. I had never gotten so lost in my life. And I LIVE here!! How does that even happen? Next we get to downtown finally, and we are walking to meet his friends and what do you know, my shoe breaks. Yup. Right there on palofax. All I could do was laugh it off. That’s all you really can do when stuff like that happens. But at this point I was feeling jinxed in Pensacola. We got to the bar and at that point I needed a beer. I had earned it. But wouldn’t ya know we only had like five minutes. That sucker got downed. How was I supposed to face escaping Palofax with all these dudes I didnt even know. I knew I would and I could though and that it would be fun. What made this so challenging for me was not being in control of the situation. As a woman we like be in control of our surroundings the first few dates lol. I was clearly outnumbered and being locked in a room for an hour with no adult beverages doesn’t help with nerves. For once I just let everyone else do the work and take the lead. I found a few clues, we all had fun with the black light, (which doesn’t work so great during the day if you plan on going ), the game locked us out, one of our teammates “Cheated”, we were down to the last 30 seconds when one of our teammates started to figure it out. Alas, it was too late. We had to be let out. But even though we lost, it was a great time. Don’t be dumb but always take risk. Get out of your comfort zone. I know I’m glad I did. I never thought I would enjoy breaking a shoe and getting lost and being in an escape room full of Marines. Do something you wouldn’t normllly do. I may not have escaped palofax but I did escape some comfort zones and I can be proud of that.
I was thrilled we didn’t win so much so I didn’t even know where to look lol #oops #lularoe #Amelia