I listened to Octane today on my own volition.
Who am I now? Without you, like a new rendition.
You left a mark on me like a brand.
I don’t deserve the cards in my hand.
I missed my best friends funeral because I moved across the country to be with you.
After 4.5 you won’t even speak to me no matter what what I do
Its as if I don’t exist
Do you even think of me? Am I missed?
Theres a void of missing time I can’t get back
You see us as never happening thats a fact
Who am I now, with out you, now that we’re done?
To you it was all a game, just like everything, if it was, I WON!
by: Kathleen R Scheel
Who am I now? Ya know the reason I stopped my LuLaRoe wasn’t just because I wasn’t getting sales it was because I went to go write a post about myself and couldn’t think of anything to say about myself other than I liked cats. Obviously l like more than just cats….at least I hope. If not we are in trouble. I have been through so much hurt and loss and pain in my life that I after the “loss” of my ex, the person I thought I was going to spend forever with. And ya know he might as well be dead. He doesn’t acknowledge I’m alive so aside from (hopefully someone telling me) I have no way of knowing if he’s alive or not. That man broke me worse than I ever thought anyone could. They say wild horses need breaking but I wish I would have stayed wild. I am numb inside. I feel like I’ll never love again. Like I don’t want to. His touch is the last I remember. Its been months. I have disassociated so much from myself that I’ve actually started disassociating again. Its scary, I have missed time. I misplace everything. I forget things super easy. I’m rarely in my body and in my head. I’m somewhere out there hiding. Curled up in a corned begging the world to stop hurting me. Its a protection mechanism. Its so embarrassing when I don’t remember saying or doing something or I can’t think of something. Bad cases can be dangerous. Luckily mine is mild. Disassociating comes from BPD. Last night I found out that someone I met by chance has a daughter with this awful mental illness and I have the chance to help this sweet family with what I know.
Who am I? I am Katie, the helper. I always want to help. And if I can I will. Who am I? I like cats but thats not the main concept of me. I like to read, do art, and to write. I like movies, and tv shows. I love to cook and be outside. I have a huge moral compass. I feel terrible when I do something I know I’m not supposed to. Call it catholic guilt or whatever you will but I can’t stand it. I try to make people laugh and smile. I get exhausted sometimes and have what was called “resting concerned” face. Anxiety is a bitch. I love all my fiends that have stuck with me through this tough time. and for my outstanding VIP group. They are extremely helpful and supporting.
Follow me as I break down these barriers!