I got to meet Neil Young when I was 20 and worked at The Caboose in McComb, MS. I was the cute hostess and he was there eating. It was a very fancy restaurant and he was on his way to Houston. I’ll never forget that moment. I met a legend. And didn’t know it until the last minute. Every time I hear this song I think of myself and maybe thats vain but I feel I have a heart of Gold and at the same time I’m looking for someone who has the same. I want someone who would value meeting a legend the same way I do. I’m getting off topic here just a tad bit but I wanted to write about today is having a heart of gold and what that means and how you can use it for good but not let people take advantage of you like I had happen today. Let me explain:
I’m not the kind of person that can just look away from a homeless person. The vast majority of homeless people are mentally ill and are on the streets because they cannot afford the help they need plus rent. Times are hard you guys. I know that first hand. I’ve had a notice on my door for the first time recently and I work between two jobs 60 hours a week. I don’t know what else to do. I don’t even want to know how much IOP is costing.
I’m sitting at home and had just gotten off the phone with a friend when theres a knock at my door. I don’t have a peep hole so I had no idea who it was. When I walked outside there was a mail cart full of LLR packages I had ordered for my group and this guy and a bike. He started talking about his baby dying and needing rent and riding around on his bike all day. I thought it was the post man who lost his car or something you guys! I said to him “you’ve been delivering mail on your bike all day!?” He said “I ain’t no mail man”. So there went knowing who the heck this person was. I’m not quick on my toes like I used to be. I felt so bad for him. I didn’t want to see him on the street. I couldn’t think straight or think about the fact that no one needs $90 for rent and JUST $90. What an odd number. I offered to let him wait while I looked for my check book but he said we needed to go to the bank to get cash because he had been jumped and had his ID stolen. I believed every word. I let him in my running car while I went back in to grab something. I let him ride with me to the bank. I bought him smokes. When I told a good friend she knew immediately what had happened to me. My heart breaks. Not for myself but for him. Whatever he needed that money for I hope it was good but I fear it wasn’t and that hurts. I have no money. I work HARD for what I do have and I don’t need someone taking advantage of my kindness. OR using that money for harm or bad doings. I could have bought groceries. I could have paid a bill. Theres so much I could have done. But I choose to help a stranger and my only hope is that he was sincere and he really needed help. This is what not to do. I should have given him food. Or toilet paper. Or something. But not money I didn’t even have myself to give. I think having a heart of gold you need to find your passion. Mine is writing and advocacy. Use THAT to help others. Not by financial means that you don’t have. Right now I’m avoiding a call from my mother. They have helped me out financially and I know she is going to be very disappointed in me, which yes I screwed up but honestly I really don’t want to hear about that right now. There will be no grace or compassion only how stupid it was and how dare I do something like that. I was only trying to help. I WILL find my own way to save the world but my lesson has been learned that its not through money that I don’t have. Take it one roe at a time and don’t ever let someone read you and take advantage of you. Hearts of gold are easy to see because they shine so brightly but what can do use your brightness to shed light on better disission making skills for them. Thats all I’ve got for this one folks. I’m mentally beat today. I’ve gone live twice in my VIP group, paid a bill, ran this guy all over creation, and now I just want to decompress while listening to vinyl.