As I sit here waiting for pages to update so that I can update my resume so that I can find a THIRD job just to stay a float I ask myself “can I even handle a third job?”. Y’all I am so exhausted and confused with just the two I have I’m going crazy, try adding a third to that. I have to though. I do. If I want to make it I do. I was going to sell my car but my ex and I are both on the title and its a bit sticky trying to get in contact to get the title situation figured out. If I could sell my car and get a bike I would be okay. OR a clunker car. I’m willing to do anything at this point. Rock bottom is terrible but I can tell you one thing is for sure you really appreciate the light from down here. I will get back on top its just a matter of time. Its always a matter of time. Time heals and can change anything. Everyday is a winding road but you do get a little bit closer to feeling fine. At least I do.
I think too much. About everything. I want to save the world all the while forgetting myself. I wish I could shut my brain off for just one second. I think about school shootings and how if I had gotten my education like I had wanted to when I was younger I could be a school counselor now and be making a difference NOW but nooooo I decided to wait and not figure out what I wanted to do so I couldn’t help. I think of all the issues with our mental health care in our society which is terrible. Half of our homeless is mentally ill and they are on the streets because they didn’t get the care they needed. It makes me sooo sad. You know what else makes me sad, homeless animals, uneaten food, when you know what its like to have none you know how much waste sucks. I try to act all tough but I’m done with that. This is me right now. I have a plan but now I’m in action mode. Yes, I am struggling but am I a complete failure, NO. NO I am not. I have made mistakes and learned from them. I am learning so much everyday. I am growing. As the enneagram would say I am deciding to “grow up”. I am conforming. I am a four on the enneagram if you know anything about that. I have a book club in my LuLaRoe VIP group and we are doing a book on the enneagram so I’m getting really into that. This is a short but sweet one but I wanted to check in. Katie don’t cry