I will choose to be someone important. It is so hard. It is so hard not to give up. If you ever read this, this song is for you. DPL Was it ever? I have been crying the last 12 hours straight almost. How is that possible? HOW? HOW? How does one have that many tears to cry? I am moving and that is a huge step for me. That ends so much for me. That means so much is over. My job, my LuLaRoe here at least, my friends, the few I have here, the life I’ve built. My world is just falling apart around me and all I can do is watch. I am standing on a rock in the middle of the ocean, lost. Moving will solve nothing. It will only solve some of the finical burdens. Its me thats broken. I let a heart break BREAK ME. It broke me. I HURT so badly. I GUESS knowing where the sadness is coming from helps. Its a starting point.
My plan is to get a job in Columbus MS and enroll in the community college there for the fall. I WANT to be a school counselor. I WILL be a school counselor. I AM FINALLY NOT WASTING MY TIME WAITING. WAITING FOR SOMETHING THATS NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. THERE ARE NO RAINBOWS AND BUTTERFLIES, THERE IS NO PRINCE COMING.
I can’t help how much I love when I love someone. ONCE I love you I love you FOREVER. I can’t stop it, its just how my heart works. I’m not in love with you anymore I just have love for you. HOPEFULLY there are other people out there that love like that. Love and the potential for loss will always be wherever I go. I’m not ready for anything but casual but I DON’T even want that in Columbus. I WANT to be alone there. A hermit. I DON’T ever want to leave my house. I PROBABLY won’t. I want to learn to depend on no one but me. I’m tired of relying on others. I know its okay to need help. I get that. I get that I’m not all together well but I’m tired of all the sympathy, I’m tired of straining my friendships, I’m tired of losing friends. I’m tired of being am issue. Thats one reason I don’t want to be here on planet earth. I’m always always a problem. And I’m tired of it.