Friends come and go. Things come and go. Places come and go. Things change. Everything in my body is saying just let go. Just let go. I have this urge to start running again. I used to be an avid runner. I used to run 5 miles twice a week. I couldn’t make it through a mile now. So many people think they know me but they have no idea. NOT A SINGLE CLUE. Only the people who REALLY CARE really KNOW me. I’m being honest in this blog. This is the rough draft for my book so of course everything must be documented as it happens in real time.
My four year old niece asked on FaceTime this morning if “I was still sick?” Her parents are raising her to know mental illness as an actual disease in which people are actually sick. I told her “aunt Katie is doing sooo much better but technically she is still sick but she’s getting better”. Her brother then interjected that I couldn’t explain well what getting better meant lol I guess not to a four year old. I am making progress every single day. And I am so excited for that! It saddens me that they think of me as “sick” but I would much rather that then “gone”. Letting go of the stigma is one thing but for me I need to let go off the hold the stigma the disease holds over me. Just because the world says I can’t do something does not mean that I can’t. Just because I say that because I’m depressed I can’t do the dishes does not mean I can’t make myself get up off this couch and do the dad gum dishes. Which by the way is what I’m doing when I finish this. There was a crazy thing with the water, AGAIN, not my fault this time. But it was off all day and just came back on. Me and water. Apparently I really need water right now.
My spirit yearns to fly. I have felt caged for so long and now I can just be me and let go of everything and every stigma thats been holding me back. I am free. I am free to fly.
I’ll always have me and thats all I really need. This is an explicit song so just FYI