Why am I pacing my house? Why can’t I sit still? Why can’t I pack and clean? Why can’t I focus like I did last night? I had a good day yesterday. I had a bad day today thats why. But, theres a but. I have something to look forward to tomorrow. I get to see professor Lupin. Even though things aren’t serious and he’s just a friend, he makes me laugh and he makes me smile, he’s been a great friend. I hate to go but I’m excited for the adventure ahead. I wish he could come but thats not how life works. And I know that. I’m okay with that. I’m grateful to have someone to have a release with and share in confidence with things going on in my life. I appreciate that he accepts me for who I am, which is not perfect, getting better everyday but not perfect. He knew from the get go I was going through things. (hahahahaha don’t read into this video please I’m just now listening to the actual video and I’m like omg this is terrible. The song on pandora is not like this so I’m finding another version because this is awful. Or maybe I should leave it because its funny and its raw and its me and it has nothing to do with anything. I just like the song.} I’ve been a liar, I’ve been a cheat, I’ve been it all. Thats the point I was trying to make. Its cool the video was an interview as well. Never judge someone. If that song teaches you anything is to not judge someone, try and love beyond all reason. Even when it makes no sense. So it does have relevance. Be like professor Lupin. Be accepting and kind. He is kind. He is a chapter I will remember fondly. Bookmarked with laughs and new experiences.
And that is the truth right there. Right freakin there. Kapaow. Me in a quote. Lupin is allergic to cats if you can ironically imagine that so I have to decat my home. Its very satisfying to deep clean almost weekly lol but honestly because of that I only clean when he comes over because then I just super clean so yea kind of need to break that habit. At least I’ve acknowledged it and I’m getting better at it actually. Mopped my floors before work the other day lol so props to me. Why am I productive one minute and super lethargic the next, well for one I do have genetic condition in which I don’t absorb B vitamins or folic acid. That could attribute to it. I haven’t eaten much today either since I’m so broke and finally today just flat out sucked but knowing how much fun tomorrow will be is exciting and motivates me to finish this and clean!!!!
Sooo I started to Journal again and I think its super important. I can phase out the unnecessary and provide the necessary. Or rather just have a personal outlet. Everyone should journal. Its flat out healthy. It will help you not forget. Remembering is IMPORTANT. I forget all the time especially being soooo stressed out. Memory loss is one of the number one symptoms of major stress. I picked up someone else’s phone at work today you guys. Thinking it was mine. WTH. I’m that freakin stressed. I felt so embarrassed and ashamed. God only knows what this person thinks about me now. Anyway journal so you don’t pick up someone else’s phone lol