What would you do if you were going to meet a guy that you sort of thought was cute and funny and he was bringing his friends and you were supposed to bring your friend too but life happened? Would you back out? Would you just not go? That probably would have been what most women would have done. But not me. Nope. And of course the universe laughed at that one. Or at least it felt like it in my mind. I was nervous admidittdly because I had no back up and was going in alone but this was my first weekend to do something fun in a while so I was pretty stoked about this escape room. It was my idea after all. The first major hiccup was my friend bailing on me, not her fault but that was a bummer. For both of us. Then my gps can’t find this guys house and so I’m thinking he’s given me a fake address the whole time and I’m thinking “well I guess I’ll go have a few beers downtown” when he finally offers to meet me somewhere on foot by his house. I was mortified. I had never gotten so lost in my life. And I LIVE here!! How does that even happen? Next we get to downtown finally, and we are walking to meet his friends and what do you know, my shoe breaks. Yup. Right there on palofax. All I could do was laugh it off. That’s all you really can do when stuff like that happens. But at this point I was feeling jinxed in Pensacola. We got to the bar and at that point I needed a beer. I had earned it. But wouldn’t ya know we only had like five minutes. That sucker got downed. How was I supposed to face escaping Palofax with all these dudes I didnt even know. I knew I would and I could though and that it would be fun. What made this so challenging for me was not being in control of the situation. As a woman we like be in control of our surroundings the first few dates lol. I was clearly outnumbered and being locked in a room for an hour with no adult beverages doesn’t help with nerves. For once I just let everyone else do the work and take the lead. I found a few clues, we all had fun with the black light, (which doesn’t work so great during the day if you plan on going ), the game locked us out, one of our teammates “Cheated”, we were down to the last 30 seconds when one of our teammates started to figure it out. Alas, it was too late. We had to be let out. But even though we lost, it was a great time. Don’t be dumb but always take risk. Get out of your comfort zone. I know I’m glad I did. I never thought I would enjoy breaking a shoe and getting lost and being in an escape room full of Marines. Do something you wouldn’t normllly do. I may not have escaped palofax but I did escape some comfort zones and I can be proud of that.
There are Five hierarchy types of love in this world. They all have different importances in our lives and its important to know about these loves and have understanding of them. They are as follows and in no particular order; love of self, friendship love, romantic love, hard love, unconditional love, and tough love. I am going to talk to you about these five loves and there importance in ones life and how they have effected my life as of recently. My hope and prayer is that someone out there gains some wisdom or insight from this blog post. Eventually this will be a book but for now a blog will have to do. Shall we begin?
- TOUGH LOVE
Okay so this one is tough, no pun intended for some people to swallow. Me included but it may possibly be the most important one. Without tough love we would not be able to grow as people in our maturity. Tough love is meant to help us. There is a BUT there are snakes among the sheep that try to give us tough love that although they appear to mean well, when you know someone is suicidal and you tell them you think suicide is okay in some cases, maybe not the best tough love. And now they have abandoned me. They also made some really bad decisions I stood by and was supportive over and even supported the advancement in work. But snakes are everywhere. Snakes bite, they hurt, their venom is meant to kill, will it kill me? I don’t have an answer for that. Its up for debate. Then there is tough love by your Angels. The people who love you enough to tell you the things you NEED to hear but don’t want to. LIKE you need to do the dishes, get up, we care. We love you. We want you around. Put them big girl panties on and do the damn thing. Heavens knows why or what was going through Kate Spades mind but I can tell you in any industry their are snakes EVERYWHERE. AND THEY HURT!!! I am on a line myself. Between being selfish or staying because of the second love I’m going to talk about.
- UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
As a tiny child I remember wearing a bubble gum shirt and dancing around my den of the house I grew up in, I was probably 5 years old. I was singing “I love the whole world, I love the whole world” over and over and over and over. Somehow, I don’t know how but I have managed to fit just about the whole world in my heart space and I’m only 28. I have an immense understanding of unconditional love. I even love the snakes that hurt us so bad it hurts to breathe. Even snakes need love. Unconditional love is loving someone when they don’t deserve it nor will it ever go away. Its mostly associated with family members but I have a heart as big as this world As big as the universe even. If I could sacrifice everything to make the world a better place I would. Alas I don’t think it works that way. Maybe one day when Jesus returns everything will be okay but until then try and love unconditionally when you can. Everyone deserves a chance. NO ONE deserves hate or abandonment. Which leads us right into.
- FRIENDSHIP LOVE
You CANNOT survive without this love. This love keeps you grounded above all else. Knowing people care about you is so so important. I can’t even explain to you the love I have in my heart for this woman and this little girl. They are filled with so much of Gods joy and love to spread. I have been so bleed to have them in my life. Someone to pray with, someone to talk me logically when I’m being irrational, someone to hold me when the tears won’t stop and I can’t breathe. A little girl who cried because she thought it was the last time she would see me. That is LOVE. NOT someone trying to undermine you or point out every single flaw you have. NOT someone who kicks you when you’re already 12 feet under. All you need to do is cover me with the dirt. I understand you have to cut out toxic people. I am not toxic. I am sad. I am sick. I need love. I need friends. I have love to give and I may not be able to clean your house but I can make you laugh like Robin Williams would have. I have a good heart and I don’t deserve what I have been served in life. Life isn’t fair I know this but you would think as much LOVE as I have spread into this world some of it would make its way back to me. I have seen glimpses. That is it. Here is one.
- ROMANTIC LOVE
Some people get to meet their soul mates. I did. I just didn’t survive the relationship. I bailed ship before the damn thing sank. I still consider myself lucky. He was a nerd like me, he was an introvert like me but still liked to go out every now and then. Like I said before when I was WELL he was a good man, when I got SICK, he went away. YOU CAN SURVIVE WITHOUT ROMANTIC LOVE. LET ME REPEAT MYSELF. THIS IS NOT ESSENTIAL. Its the heartbreak of losing it that can defeat you and nearly kill you. Knowing someone you love with everything will either see you turn to ash or become the greatest thing is terrifying. And its a lot of pressure to be honest. I know what he expects to happen. He thinks I’ll be a statistic. Will I?
- SELF LOVE
I purposely saved the most important for last. If you don’t love yourself you can’t expect anyone else to love you at all. You just can’t. Thats the simple hard facts. You have to look in the mirror and accept who you are for all of your flaws your imperfections. Your adult acne, your pouch, the days when you don’t feel like shaving, you nervous ticks that maybe no one gets, your awkward ways of blurting things out. YOU HAVE TO LOVE EVERYTHANG! And honey I do. Thats not my issue. My issue is I beat myself up. I feel like I owe the world and everyone else this huge debt of myself and if I can’t live up to it, it eats away at me like some disease. I’m beyond a people pleaser. I LOVE people. I want them to know that. I’ll show it anyway I can. I feel like I fail because I get abandoned sooo sooo much. Honestly I think I will die of broken heart disease. My heart literally aches I’m in so much pain. In the 28 years of my life I’ve never been so sad. I literally have 6 people in my area (who are NOT ALWAYS AVAILABLE. who I may see once a week, one or two of them if I’m lucky) that I truly feel appreciated and loved in some way. Thats not a lot. Most people have way more of a support system than I do. Most people live with a support system. I do not. I have me and thats it and honestly guys I don’t know if I’m enough.