When I graduated high school I was given a copy of “OH THE PLACES YOU’LL GO” BY DR. SUESS. It never resinated with me as a child how important that book would become to me in later years. It basically has mapped out my entire 20’s. Completely and I’ll admit I have gone back and revised some places. LIKE NOW. I’ll be alone for quite some time. And whats ironic is its where I started to learn to become alone to begin with. In Columbus MS. I remember when I first moved there I didn’t have a microwave, I had no money, no job, no friends, nothing. I ate sandwiches and cut them in half and had one for dinner and one half for lunch. I ate healthy but broke healthy. I had crackers in between meals. I had help but it went right to bills. I got plates as a gift that I still own to this day, a few have broken. I remember sitting in my apartment on my futon with no internet, no tv, and no fiends and no job. What did I do. I read, I went out to meet people, I took chances, I found myself, I did puzzles, I had grill outs by myself, I read Adux Huxleuys “Brave New World” a million times. I read the Dune series. I read a ton. I am going back to THAT Katie. The alone Katie. The REAL independent Katie. Although I still may need finical help I’ll be the independent I’ve been needing this whole time.
Being alone doesn’t always have to mean you’re alone alone.
With the recent deaths of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain who are we to say who feels alone and who doesn’t. You simply cannot judge someone by what they appear to act on the outside. Suicide has got to be taken seriously. And so does mental illness. ESPECIALLY IN OUR COUNTRY!!!! THE USA NEEDS TO WAKE THE HELL UP AND REALIZE WE ARE IN CRISIS. THIS IS A DISEASE THAT PEOPLE CANNOT SEE OR SEEK HELP UNTIL IT IS ACCEPTED. It has such a stigma no one, no one wants to admit they are mentally ill. I bet none of you reading this would proudly talk in front of thousands about being mentally ill. But ya know what? I would. And someday maybe I will. I have been on the verge of death too many times. I can’t tell you what stopped me but what I can tell you is that I’m glad it did. I have too much to offer the world and too many people it would hurt. If it weren’t for my sister I would be homeless and thats the case with most of our homeless. They are mentally ill and sick and sad all at the same time. Its time to wake up America.
Alone isn’t forever. Someday. Someone how. I will meet someone or meet my calling and I will not be alone. Nor is being alone bad. I look forward to getting to know myself again. I am beautiful inside and out and I know in my heart my soul will eventually want to remain here on planet earth.