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"Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing" – Benjamin Franklin

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Dream No More

You are forever gone to a slumber so deep, for you there are dreams no more.

A life taken too soon, something I still have questions for.

My dreams live on without you, but in my heart forever you’ll be.

The things I’m doing, the woman I’m becoming, you’d be proud if you could see.

Dream no more, your pain is gone my love.

I can feel you all around me looking down from up above.

With the recent events of Chris Cornell and of course we all remember Robin Williams I wanna share some things that are near and dear to my heart and something that happened to me on Thursday. Tragedy has struck America recently with online bullying which I guess is “trolling” or could be turned into a form of online hazing. Depeding on the motives behind the person doing the “trolling” I suppose. I’m not real sure. I was apparently “trolled” on Thursday night for the first time 😕. People are cruel. Some people just want a fight and want to stir the pot and little do they know what they could be stirring. I have decided to do what I can by writing this and by having one of my first Lu La Roe sales to benefit To Write Love On Her Arms. I have lost so many people near and dear to me to suicide and not just to suicide either.  Far to many to count. And in the past 3 years have lost 2 of my very best friends and I’ve dealt with moving all over the country, being kicked out of a click, a five year relationship break up, cutting down a business I really didn’t want to and I had someone who knows nothing about me and my plans try and judge a situation they know knew nothing of. You never know what someone is going through. We all know what assuming does.  I myself deal with depression and have dealt with suicide and fortunately was able to receive the help I needed but not everyone does. I want to CHANGE that. Some how. Some way. Even if it’s a small way. 1800suicide saved my life over a decade ago. Nothing is ever worth your life. No matter how much you think is. Everyday I wish I could have saved my friends. I want to change online bullying. I want to change the world. I wish people would treat others how they want to be treated. I personally don’t think sometimes. I just think everyone is nice and well, they aren’t. And that’s life. The key is to not let it bother you. I let this person ruin my Friday and it was completely unnecessary. It’s what they wanted. And than I remember what is on my toothbrush cover that I see twice a day “never let anyone dull your sparkle”. I perked right up. Who cares what some person I’m never going to see again thinks of me. So what if they want to think negatively of me. They don’t know me. They don’t  live in my heart or my brain. Nor do I live in theirs and its unfair either way for either of us to judge. I know that “those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind”. I want to make a difference not for myself but for the world. So it can be a better place for the kids I take care of and hopefully my future kids. Hannah this is for us. This is for Mariah. This is for Will. This is for Dereck. This is for all those we have known and lost. I will be successful and I will reach my goals because I have to.

              What would you do if you were going to meet a guy that you sort of thought was cute and funny and he was bringing his friends and you were supposed to bring your friend too but life happened? Would you back out? Would you just not go? That probably would have been what most women would have done. But not me. Nope. And of course the universe laughed at that one. Or at least it felt like it in my mind. I was nervous admidittdly because I had no back up and was going in alone but this was my first weekend to do something fun in a while so I was pretty stoked about this escape room. It was my idea after all. The first major hiccup was my friend bailing on me, not her fault but that was a bummer. For both of us. Then my gps can’t find this guys house and so I’m thinking he’s given me a fake address the whole time and I’m thinking “well I guess I’ll go have a few beers downtown” when he finally offers to meet me somewhere on foot by his house. I was mortified. I had never gotten so lost in my life. And I LIVE here!! How does that even happen? Next we get to downtown finally, and we are walking to meet his friends and what do you know, my shoe breaks. Yup. Right there on palofax. All I could do was laugh it off. That’s all you really can do when stuff like that happens. But at this point I was feeling jinxed in Pensacola. We got to the bar and at that point I needed a beer. I had earned it. But wouldn’t ya know we only had like five minutes. That sucker got downed. How was I supposed to face escaping Palofax with all these dudes I didnt even know. I knew I would and I could though and that it would be fun. What made this so challenging for me was not being in control of the situation. As a woman we like be in control of our surroundings the first few dates lol. I was clearly outnumbered and being locked in a room for an hour with no adult beverages doesn’t help with nerves. For once I just let everyone else do the work and take the lead. I found a few clues, we all had fun with the black light, (which doesn’t work so great during the day if you plan on going ), the game locked us out, one of our teammates “Cheated”, we were down to the last 30 seconds when one of our teammates started to figure it out. Alas, it was too late. We had to be let out. But even though we lost, it was a great time. Don’t be dumb but always take risk. Get out of your comfort zone. I know I’m glad I did. I never thought I would enjoy breaking a shoe and getting lost and being in an escape room full of Marines. Do something you wouldn’t normllly do.  I may not have escaped palofax but I did escape some comfort zones and I can be proud of that. 

I was thrilled we didn’t win so much so I didn’t even know where to look lol #oops #lularoe #Amelia